I am Thankful

  Josh and I were talking a few nights ago and he asked me ” do you ever think about what if there was something we could have done differently during your pregnancy with Colbey Raye to have changed the outcome.” We talked about his feelings on what ifs and maybe he could have helped more or I could have rested more and so on. I have to say, yes, I have thought about the what ifs. More so back in the beginning when we were faced with all of this brand new foreign information! The shocking reality and the simple fact that this is just how Colbey Raye was created, I did step back and think to myself, was there something I could have done during those 9 months of development to change her fate? No, no I do not believe there is anything I or anyone else could have done to change this reality. There is nothing I or anyone else could have done to “fix” or prevent Colbey Rayes brain from forming “imperfectly.” Now, do not take this the wrong way, but I would not change anything about the journey we have been on since we were blessed with Colbey Raye two and a half years ago! I’ve never experienced anything more exhausting, anything more challenging, heartbreaking or life changing than the diagnosis Colbey Raye received at just 6 weeks old, but I would not go back and change a thing. Why you may ask? Because all though it has been hard it has been the most rewarding experience. I am able to be the stay at home mommy I always wanted to be, we have made amazing friendships through all of the therapies and doctor visits and Colbey has taught me how to love selflessly and how to place my trust in a higher power when I am no longer able to control a situation. I have become so much stronger, so much more faithful and our family has grown together in ways we other wise may not have. Colbey Raye has blessed us so much and challenged us to learn and to grow, I would not trade my perfect sweet baby Raye for anything, I love her just the way she is because she is mine and God made her perfect! I am thankful to have this strong tiny fighter to call my own, and I am thankful for the smile on her face everyday that brightens every room she enters! I am thankful she is stubborn and determined to be the best she can be, I am thankful for the good days and even the bad days, I am thankful for Colbey Raye.

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