Adding to the album

Blank… I am feeling so many different emotions right now, my mind is racing with memories, swirling with thoughts, yet I feel blank, surreal and a little numb.

Wednesday we were sitting in neurology discussing how far Colbey Raye has come! How great she lookes, how she is more verbal than ever and how she has done so well weaning off one of her meds! Yes, Colbey Raye has made a huge step and has come off of her zonisomide all together and is now only on 3 anti seizure meds! Since Wednesday I’ve been meaning to get on here, post a blog bragging about how far Colbey Raye has come since my last post (it has been way to long I apologize) and tell you all about the medication weaning process, how we plan to continue weaning more Meds and what her therapists have been working on (we have some amazing new therapy routines that have help produce massive improvements). Let me just say it is a lot of great things and an abundant of information. But now, after today, in this moment, I cannot even bring myself to go there. I cannot search my brain for those wonderful glorious statements of aww and praise, of hopes and dreams and goals. My thoughts have shifted and a new battle burns inside.

I am in an all to familiar place, my mind is in hyperdrive and I know these feelings all to well. Like second nature, instincts kick in and I’m back to a state of mind I had hung up in the closet. Today I reached in, grabbed this old suit out and slipped into it, almost like I never truly left it. So why can I not bring myself to say what it is I want to say? I haven’t cried yet. I haven’t broke down, but I cannot seem to close my eyes or let my shoulders relax, a 5 minute flash back is in my head on repeat. In the moment I didn’t think, I acted, I didn’t hesitate I knew what to do! I was ready for this moment even though I didn’t expect it at all. But I am not ready at the same time. I cannot go into detail, I cannot let it out, I will hold it in as a memory until I am willing to accept it as a fact.

The dust has come off of   the album and I have a new photograph to add. A day that won’t be easily forgotten, a day I prayed would never come. 10/03/15 the day Colbey Raye had her first post hemi seizure. 

as Memorial Day 2015 draws near

Two years ago I blissfully held my month old baby and watched my crazy almost two year old run around enjoying the weather. Little did I know that my life would change dramatically in less than two weeks. My daily worries consisted of “how many outfits should I pack incase Colbey Raye blows out?” Or “can’t my children nap at the same time for once so I can do laundry!” And maybe “okay, watch one more show on the Disney Chanel so I can rest a moment…” Little did I know that in just two weeks those worries wouldn’t even cross my mind again! For a very long time at least. This month of May, as old memories pop up on my time hop app I cannot help but get a sinking sick feeling in my stomach. Why? Because honestly, I will never forget those first weeks in the hospit, I will never forget the way I felt the way I still feel. My hands are shaking as I type, my stomach hurts with sorrow and my head is full of all of the thoughts and feelings I had to go through two years ago. It is similar (in my mind) to how one would feel if they had lost a child and the sadness hidden inside coming out as the day drew near. Colbey Raye is still with me!! And I am so so thankful for that. She is perfect, and loved, and treasured so deeply. But the child I thought I gave birth to two years ago, is not the child I am raising today.
Memorial Day brings on a lot of memories for me. It used to be a weekend spent with family and friends enjoying some relaxation and remembering those who have served us near and far. Barbecuing, sun, family and friends. But 2 years ago that changed for me, and the memories that consume my Memorial Day are both sad and joyful.

Memorial Day 2013 changed my life forever. It still amazes me how one day, one moment, can change a persons life forever. Almost two years ago on May 27th I had to let go of the child I thought I had. I had to let go of the child I wanted, the dreams I had created and the memories I was hoping to make as she grew. I had to let go of my baby and embrace the unknown. At just 6 weeks old I had to let go of the little precious girl I had and embrace a fragile, weak, regressing baby that I feared would not make it through the night. I cried over what I then thought was a loss, and held on so tightly to that baby that I didn’t sleep for over 72 hours. Little did I know that the “loss” I felt at the time was actually a gain! In loosing my “imaginary” child who I had dreamed about I infact gained the greatest blessing I could have ever imagined! I gained Colbey Raye, the real, true, sweet, perfect, social, friendly, stubborn, independent, Colbey Raye! The one God created, the one who has loved and been loved by so many! My dreams couldn’t have created such a perfect girl.   

  

   The memories (I had created for my girls) of a best friend for Austyn Jayne did change that day, 2 years ago when we did not know what to expect from Colbey Raye. And as they create their own memories, their own bond and their own stories together I can see the true love they share for one another! Will they be best friends like I had hoped? Maybe! 

  

  
Once again, my memories of Memorial Day changed dramatically when Colbey Raye underwent her second brain surgery in 2014. A surgery that would impact her life forever in both positive and negative ways. Again we (especially Colbey Raye) would have to undergo loss, again we had to plunge into a world of unknows, again we had to “let go and let God.” And again God showed us how glorious He can be. Her hemispherectomy has left her with no use or function of her right arm, but she is seizure free!! All that the surgery has “taken” from her has been replaced by amazing acomplishments we would not have seen otherwise. It’s hard being the one to “choose” your child’s fate, it is hard to choose the lesser of two evils when it come to your child’s health and wellbeing. But no matter the loss, the gains have been exponential! Two brain surgeries and our Colbey Raye can talk, not well, not in sentences but she can say an array of words! She can get from point A to point B, not by crawling or walking but she can get where she needs to go scooting on her little bottom! She can take a joke, laugh when things are funny, she can tease, sympathies, sotialize, and she can comprehend what we say to her! She can communicate with hand gestures and head nods, pointing a words hear and there. I thought I had dreams for her, but it turns out she has dreams of her own, and nothing makes me happier than seeing her push so hard to achieve them. She is a fighter, and although I struggle when seeing her get left in the dust by other children, or watching her sit at the bottom of the stairs wishing she could run up there and play with her sister, I love how hard she pushes herself to a hive her dreams.

   
   It is hard, it is a challenge daily to accommodate her needs, it is time consuming and tiresome! I am human, I break down, I cry, sometime a feel like giving up! It is true. It is harder than I imagined, but it is more amazing than any dream I could have drempt! I guess through this all, what I am trying to say is that through all the hard time and continued struggle we have been blessed tremendously with the sweet little person that Colbey Raye is. I prayed for this girl more than anything else in my life and she is here! We are just 2 days away from Colbey Rayes one year hemispherectomy anniversary, and what an amazing year it has been! She is learning new things all the time! She puts a smile on my face daily! And she has created so many memories that I will never ever forget! Here is to another Memorial Day full of hard and happy memories, sad and sweet memories, old and new memories.

   
   

Colbey Raye is 2!!!

Guess who is drinking UNthickend liquids?! This girl!  

 Guess who stood for 10 seconds unassisted?!?! This girl 

Guess who turns 2 today?!?!?! THIS GIRL!  

 

Colbey Raye is 2! My baby is 2! Every time I think about it I tear up, tears of joy that my baby made it this far, and not only has she made it this far she is going to make it so much farther!! It’s hard to write as I cry my eyes out thinking back to all those moments I thought “I could loose her today,” “she could not recover from this,” or “will she go to sleep and never wake up?” Watching her tiny little body seize for 30+ minutes, 50+ times a day, seeing her oxygen levels drop below 50 over and over… Countless sedations for tests, 2 brain surgeries! And she here, happy, trying to walk, trying to talk, learning, living, loving!! She’s made it! Two whole years. Amazing. As I look at her and watch her grow I thank God everyday for blessing me with her little life. The struggles, the worries, the fear I’ve felt in moments when I’ve had to let go of my baby and just pray she makes it back to me, are outweighed a million times by the blessings this girl has brought to my life. I never knew how deep love ran until I had to let go of one thing I loved most! “Let go and let God,” was something I had to tell myself countless times, and God lovingly always placed her right back into my arms for me to continue to kiss on, squeeze tight and love stronger than I did the day before.

Today Colbey Raye is 2, she is growing like a weed, and learning new skills every day. She loves to color and play with babies, she loves balls, bubbles, books and her “Bubber.” Her favorite toy is her Little People’s princes castle and she LOVES to dance and listen to music. She finally says “mama” yay!!! 😂 and she wants to do everything her big sister does. She loves her brother but fights him (and everyone else) for mommies attention. Being outside is one of her favorite places and she always wants to “GO.” It doesn’t matter where we go, she just wants to leave the house lol. She tells me no all the time by shaking her head at me, and she HATES changing her clothes and diaper. When she is frustrated she bites or throws thing, and it is impossible to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do! She is stubborn, knows how to take a joke and can melt any heart she comes in contact with. She is her daddies Monkey, her mommies Rayzee, her sisters Coco-be, and her brothers sissy! Happy 2nd birthday baby girl!!! ❤️ 

 

The moment when someone else notices your child’s disabilities

I take Colbey Raye out in public A LOT! I always have, it’s always been extra hard for me to leave her with anyone (even my husband). This has gotten better, MUCH better and I have left her with a baby sitter once or twice and my parents, inlaws and aunts a few times too. But I like her with me, incase of that dreaded “what if?” Anyways back to what I was trying to say, I take her out and about a lot! Between therapies, doctor visits, store runs and so on! And I’m usually holding her because she can’t walk, or she’s in a stroller, shopping cart, front pack etc… But today we went to the children’s museum, and she was free to roam around without being held, tied down or strapped into something! She had a blast I have to say! And this is her 3rd time there, but today someone noticed her, and said something. Colbey Rayes inability to walk has been noticed, and as soon as a person realizes how “old” Colbey Is they say “she doesn’t walk?” So I explain. Or they try to hand her something and she reaches all around twisting trying to grab it and they say “why doesn’t she use her right arm?” Those types of questions I’ve gotten, here and there. But yesterday the conversation I had was different than any other. The question this lady asked, and the statement she made was a first for me, but probably not the last time it will happen. Our conversation:

Lady: you have three? Three (pointing at Austyn Jayne)?

Me: yes, three, and yes she’s three almost four.

Lady: two (pointing at Colbey Raye) and ? (Pointing at Beaden).

Me: she’s almost two and he is 4 months.

Lady: what school does she go to?

Me: (thinking she is talking about Austyn Jayne) I explain that we do preschool at home, and haven’t decided what route we want to take yet when she is “school age.”

Lady: Olympia?

Me: no lacey. 

And then I realized, she was not talking about Austyn Jayne. She was talking about Colbey Raye! So

Me: are you talking about her (pointing at Colbey Raye)?

Lady: yes. Is she getting support? She needs some vision assistance.

Me: well yes, she does OT and Pt twice a week and has Speech once a week at St. Peter’s pediatric therapy center.

Lady: so she doesn’t get any help at home? Because she clearly needs support. Is she part of the birth to three program in your school?

Me: she is part of the program, and she has a cognitive teacher and vision teacher that comes to the house once to twice a month. But we have had a lot going on and her teacher is on maternity leave so we haven’t seen anyone from the program in a while. But she is getting a lot of outpatient therapy.

Lady: okay, good. So she is getting some type of support. That is good.

I explain that she had a hemispherectomy almost a year ago, and she went on to ask why. Come to find out she worked with visually impaired children as well as a psychologist for rare mental disabilities. I know she was probably trying to help, but does she think I’m oblivious to her needs? I know she needs extra help, support and assistance, and I bend backwards to get her all of the help I can get her. no one has ever told me my child needs assistance before now. It’s never come from someone as “a matter of fact” statement. I get questions like why she doesn’t walk or talk at 2! But no, “your child needs more support.” I knew it would happen one day, when Colbey Rayes set backs were more noticeable, but it was a lot harder for me than I thought. Yes, I know she has some delays and no she can’t see well, but I’m doing the very best I can for her! And she’s doing GREAT for all she’s been through. No she doesn’t walk, she doesn’t say many words, her favorite game is sit “I throw it and you pick it up for me and repeat.” But she’s come so very far. For having 2 brain surgeries, countless seizures, being on so many meds, I think it’s fair to say that Colbey Raye has overcome and accomplished so so much!! We know she “needs assistance” and with therapy 5 times a week, spending weeks in rehab and going to weekly appointments in Seattle I think (not to pat my own back) we are getting her the support she needs!

Colbey Raye is doing so well! She’s standing better each day, pulling her self to her knees and even trying to pull herself all the way up to standing! She has been having some different issues, some facial weakness again continued minor staring spells and circulation problems but all in all she is doing really good. She has begun to play more “appropriate” with toys and loves baby dolls. She’s always on the go, trying to keep up with big sister and she’s very busy learning! We are so proud of how far she has come, and we can’t wait to see how far she will go! She will run far this girl, my sweet tough little girl! 

   

 3 weeks back home

Colbey Raye has been home for a little over 3 weeks now. After 3 weeks in intensive therapy what I difference we see in her behaviors at home. I cannot begin to express how happy I am that she was able to receive such great rehabilitation therapies while at Seattle Childrens! The improvements are grand and she has come so far. A little part of me (okay a big part of me!) would love for her to be able to have another 3 weeks of rehab! But for now I am very happy with how things are going and I am SO HAPPY to be home in my house  with my family again. I think Colbey Raye is very happy too 😊.

In the last three weeks Colbey Raye has been a very very busy little girl! Not a single day has gone by since we have been home that Colbey Raye has not had some type of outpatient therapy,  doctor visit or evaluation. She now goes to outpatient therapy Monday’s, Tuesday’s, Thursday’s and Fridays! She has a cognitive development teacher come and asses her twice a month as well as a vision teacher twice a month. She had splint fittings, and a trip back to Seattle (just for medication) and there is a long slew of upcoming appointments at Childrens soon too! She has one tuff schedule to keep up with but she is a trooper! And so are her siblings. Beau, always along for the ride and a chance to flirt with everyone! And Austyn Jayne does not mind spending extra time with aunts, uncles and grandparents! She also enjoys coming to an appointment time to time when I let her 😋. Feeling so blessed and thankful that God has granted me the opportunity to be able to be home with my children, and for a supportive encouraging husband who makes it possible for me to do so. Otherwise I don’t know how I would keep up with it all. And believe me I still have trouble! The laundry piled high, toys a muck all over and nothing can ever seem to find a place. But one thing is for sure we are busy!! We have a lot of fun together, we play learn and get to enjoy the simple things in life and there is always tomorrow to fold those clothes and vaccume the floors!

Colbey Raye, what a tough little thing she is! And have I mentioned one stubborn little girl?! Rehab gave her a little more confidence in her skills and now she thinks she can refuse to participate in activities she does not care for, to say the least! She’s taken up shaking her head no, and although it is quite adorable and very funny at times I still have to make her do these things! Walking in her new gait trainer is one of those head shaking no events! Most of the time she’s okay with it, but some days she will flat out refuse! Oh, yes Colbey Raye now has a gait trainer at home to use! It’s being loaned to us by her therapists and eventually we will be able to get Colbey Raye her very own! She just needs to use it more independently first. She’s taken a few steps all by herself with it (video on Instagram & Facebook) but we need to help her become more consistent and stronger with it. Since we have been home Colbey Raye has also begun to pull herself up to her knees very consistently now! Heaven forbid I sit to hold her brother or sister and not include her! She scoots her little self right over, pulls her self up (usually to her knees but sometime even to standing) and yells “UP UP!”





Also, Colbey Raye has finally found interest in a specific toy! Other than her love of throwing balls, rolling monster trucks around at my parents and dancing to music, Colbey Raye has never been that interested in toys. Honestly she usually could care less about them! But as of a few days ago Colbey Raye has found a toy that she can sit and play with for more that 30 seconds! Her little people’s princes castle and all the little people that go with it! She will ask me to get it down for her by pointing at the castle and then pointing back at herself. She will ask for all the little people too, by handing me a little person, pointing at the bin of little pleople and saying “MORE!” I love it, I love that she actually wants to play, and that she can communicate to me what It is she wants! And she wants to play with Austyn Jayne too! Light has once again shed on my dream of them being best friends one day. 😍



Colbey Raye’s love of people and outgoing personality is still as huge as ever! She always wants to be on the go, asking to leave the house for a car ride, loves trips to the store and is excited for the daily trips to therapy. It is an amazing trait to have when you spend 4+ days a week working with other people, meeting new doctors and running form appointment to apointment. Her smile charms all and she has a way with people I’ve never seen from someone so young. Don’t let her charm fool you though, she is almost 2 and it’s beginning to show!! She has a very care free personality, and consequences don’t matter to her she’s gonna do what she wants regardless 😜. She knows we all love her so much, and can get away with a tude now and then!



She will always be my baby

There is just something about this boy, I can’t get enough of him! Can I please just freeze him in the little chunky body, put him in a bubble, snuggle, kiss, and hold him close from this day forward! He’s already grown and changed so much, I blink and he’s outgrown his clothes! I turn around and he’s talking up a storm, licking his lips when we eat, smiling when his sisters talk to him! I love his smart little self so so much, why do babies grow up SO fast?

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I had to share just how much I adore my little boy now, because I honestly did not feel ready for him. I was not scared or worried about having my third, I was just not ready, I never felt ready. I was not ready because I felt like I STILL had a baby and I was not attached to the thought of having another baby when the baby I already had was still in fact so much a baby! I’ve heard so many people say “I just wish I could freeze time and keep him/her a baby forever!” I’ve even said it! First I said it with Austyn Jayne, I loved her little self and I didn’t want her to keep growing so fast, and again I say it almost daily with Beauden. I don’t want him to grow this fast! But that’s what babies do right? They grow, change, mature, and soon they are walking, talking, crazy 1 year olds, 2 year olds, 3 year olds etc… But what happens when your baby stays a baby longer than the typical? Colbey Raye will be 2 in just two short months! And she’s still my baby. Yes, yes Beaude is my baby! My sweet baby boy, but tomorrow he won’t be, I will blink and before we know it he will be talking, walking and running around like a crazy rough and tough big boy! But Colbey Raye, she’s that special one of a kind little baby that we are always talking about, the one that stays little longer. We say “I just want him to stay little” but when one is faced with that reality what does that feel like? Let me explain form my experience.
Austyn Jayne was born, she grew and turned into a little girl before I could even take a breath! I loved each moment, but gosh where did it go? Josh and I both missed that “baby” phase of life and so along came Colbey Raye! Another girl, I was so excited and had already dreamed up what life would look like 2-3 years down the road. But all that changed when Colbey Raye was diagnosed. The seizures put a damper on my plans and I had no idea what life would look like in a 2-3 years down the road. Instead of sitting there wishing to freeze Colbey Raye in the ball of baby love I watched eagerly to see what she could do, what she would do next! I held onto each milestone for dear life praying she’d master another one! I had my baby, and she stayed a baby for so long. She didn’t turn one and run off into the crazy world of toddler hood leaving me to dream of the days where I rocked my snugly sleepy baby all day. I still had my baby!! She was still a baby that smiled at the sound of my voice, that clung to me for safety and snuggled when she was tired. She still cooed and didn’t talk, and was barely crawling when she turned one. She was my baby and I never ever felt that sad longing feeling to hold a baby because I got to keep mine a baby for so long! I never wished for time to freeze with Colbey Raye, I savored each moment of her infancy and was able to hold onto my baby. I didn’t wish it to slow down, to pause and I didn’t wish it away! In a way I feel so blessed by that experience. I will never have the same type of motherly bond that I have had with Colbey Raye. Most babies grow so fast that the bonding time just doesn’t feel long enough and they are all of the sudden arguing with you over what they should have for lunch! How did they grow up so fast?!

Colbey Raye is the baby we all “wish” for, but in reality we are all so thankful when our infants become toddlers and our toddlers become kindergarteners. Not everyone is lucky enough to keep their babies little longer! I was, I got to keep my baby little, innocent and sweet. I have a confession, I was not ready to let her go! I didn’t want to let her get big, I wanted my Colbey Raye baby to be my baby and I did not want her to share her baby title with another! I almost felt gypped when I found out I was expecting Beau. I wasn’t ready!! My baby was still a baby and she deserved to stay that way, so I felt. I never longed for another baby after Colbey Raye, I never felt like my baby was grown and I needed a baby fix, I never felt ready, and I didn’t want to bump my baby out of her well deserved baby slot in my heart. I saw other women with infants and I never thought “how sweet” instead my stomach sunk at the thought of having another one. All in all, I did not feel ready. It was not until about 24-48 hours after Beauden was born that I fell in love! But I did fall INLOVE and I fell hard when it hit! Now this boy has me wrapped around his little finger and I just adore him! He’s growing to fast and I want to keep him small forever! But in reality, I love that he is smart, that he is growing, learning and changing right before my eyes! And even though he’s the “baby” of the family, Colbey Raye never lost her title as baby, and she was not replaced by her brother. Colbey Raye will always be my baby, no matter how big, or how old, she’s something special and my baby she will be.

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Blessed by this Rehabilitation stay

This stay has been so different from all the rest. It has been much easier in so many ways, harder in others, but just as purely exhausting as ever!! For both myself and Colbey Raye. Her days here consist mostly of therapy, sleeping and eating! But we get to take long walks in the evening, something she’s never been able to do while in the hospital, and she gets to spend time hanging out with all the wonderful nurses in the unit. It’s different having another baby here with us. Having Beaude here definitely helps pass the time along and between the two of them kept busy! It’s different not having to keep an eye on Colbey Raye every second of every day waiting for the seizures to strike. Instead I feel comfortable leaving her for a few minutes so I can leisurely go get a coffee without running to and from the elevator in fear of missing a seizure or a doctor. I can relax more and rest easy at night (if Beauden allows it) and I feel hopeful watching Colbey Raye’s progress instead of hopeless through each second of each seizure. It’s easier all around! But a it is a little harder accommodating 2 babies this time around. It’s harder now that Colbey Raye is so mobile and does not want anything to do with being stuck in our room! Unless she is napping, then she’s okay with it 😋. It is harder keeping Colbey Raye entertained in the afternoons, but I would take this visit a million times over any other we have ever experienced. It is just as exhausting though… I remember going nights, days without sleep in order to keep an eye on Colbey Raye and her seizures. It was mentally exhausting during those visits and so hard, but this visit is more physically exhausting! Between trying to lug two kids around all over the place (thankfully our therapists are abundantly helpful) and the opposite nap schedules these two have set I’m exhausted. Helping Colbey Raye walk, kneel, stand, roll etc… Is tiring. Bouncing Beau so he won’t scream during therapy sessions in the gym is tiring. Dealing with puking/pooping kids in the middle of the night and getting up every hour with Beau so he won’t wake Colbey Raye is exhausting. I think I went over 72 hours with only sleeping about 5-6 hours that whole time! But I still would take this stay a thousand times over any of the others!
A lot has happened since we arrived 17 days ago. My grandmother passed away the day after Colbey Raye was admitted 😔. It was a sad time, but we are all happy she ha been able to move onto the next life, one of comfort and freedom from the pain and suffering she went through in her last days. I was able to make it to the funeral Saturday thankfully, and also was able to watch my brothers amazing ice skating performance the next day! I absolutely love watching him and his partner skate, and am so thankful that Josh was able to spend the weekend with Miss Raye so I could attend both the funeral and the ice show. Josh had his first experience ever staying in the hospital alone with Colbey Raye. He has stayed with us many many times, but never without me. It was a good experience for him but he was ready to leave by Sunday night!
As for Colbey Raye and her progress, well let me just say WOW! She is doing so so great!! She has successfully pulled herself up to the standing position 3 or 4 times now. Working very hard still on her balance and accuracy, getting her feet underneath her where they should be and the mechanics of doing it all correctly, but it’s a huge step in the right direction. If Colbey Raye is motivated enough she will take 4-5 steps with each leg, while holding onto just my hands. I hold her right and left hand and give her a good strong support, and she will step towards me! Before her stay here she wouldn’t even stand without my support on her chest/under arms, and now she’s taking steps with even less support than that! She using a gait trainer to help her establish the walking pattern. She sits in it mostly and uses it as a seat while she walks her legs forward but it still helps in training her brain to establish those walking movements she needs! She has begun to be more comfortable on her belly and has been putting good weight through her right shoulder by resting on her right forearm for support. And her language, her understanding, has improved as well! I can now ask her questions such as “Colbey Raye did you poop?” And she will respond correctly yes or no (with a head nod or head shake). She asks for things using more words and now she initiates these words on her own instead of us having to ask her. For example:
Colbey Raye: “go?!” (pointing to the door)
Me: “do you want to go for a walk?”
Colbey Raye: “mhmm” (nodding yes), “please” (saying it verbally as well and signing it).
I’m so proud of all the things she has accomplished, is learning and she is trying so hard to over come so many obstacles.
Gosh this girl has a way with people, and not only are her nurses, doctors and therapists in love with her, but so are the other parents and kids in the unit!! Her smile, kiss blowing and waves make everyone smile and as Jacob (a 12 year old boy also staying in the rehab unit) put it, “she just brightens up this floor!” And she does! But… She’s also a little sassy, loud and a tease. But none of that casts a shadow on her sweet happy personality and the grumpy attitude she can have is quickly forgotten as soon as she blows those signature kisses of hers! I love her so much, and I love how much she can brighten up a place that could otherwise be a little bit sorrowful.
We’ve been here a while now, and although we are excited for our return home I wish we had more time here to help Colbey Raye on this journey! She’s come so far and made huge steps during her stay in rehab and I’m so proud of her! Myself as well as all the doctors and therapists here agree she would benefit so much with more time here, but we cannot stay forever! The hospital has been so very generous and granted us 4 whole days of “extra” rehab as our insurance has still not responded to the request for more time. So tomorrow will be Colbey Raye’s last day in rehab and we will leave knowing how truly blessed we are by this hospital, family and friends who have helped out, and by prayer! God has a plan, and I have seen him work in mysterious ways the past few months by closing doors I didn’t want closed and then opening doors I never dreamed would open. This past year and a half has been the hardest time in my life, but it has brought forth some of the greatest experiences, and the most amazing blessings! We place our hearts in your hands Lord, we have been abundantly blessed by your love.

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